Premeditation

In the morning, imagine the worst thing that can happen to you today. It may seem as if doing so would lead you to dwell on bad fortune, to morbid thinking, to panic and anxiety. In truth, Stoical premeditation has the opposite effect: it focuses your attention (a) on accepting what’s beyond your control and (b) on preparing for what is.

What if my spouse were to die this evening? Might I come to think that her life, the life of this transient being, was a gift? To accept this, heroically? And might I also come to spend what time I have with her as intensely as possible? I believe I would.

Giving an Account

Before bedtime, run through all your errors in judgment, all your wrongs and pettinesses, everything that caused you or others harm. This too sounds morbid as if it were an extended exercise in self-loathing. You might start believing that you’re pathetic and lowly, small-minded and weak. But giving an account of yourself (logos) could force you to re-evaluate what’s within your power and what about you needs to be modified. Consider the lessons of the day. Note your triggers, what’s bound to set you off, what affects your mood, what kind of temperament you have, in what ways you can injure your neighbor.

“I can’t find my favorite mug. Why does Jane always seem to use it and not put it back? When I confronted Jane about it, she lied, saying that she hadn’t used it. Ah, the mug was by my chair all along. Funny that. She didn’t lie after all. In the future, maybe before I blame others, I should imagine other possibilities. Maybe I should entertain the possibility that I too am fallible. Maybe, over time, I’ll need to start to modify how the world works, what human nature is like, and how I figure into all this. Maybe I’ll have to think more of others and less of myself. Until then, I’ll try assuming that I’m to blame and then see where that takes me.”

It’s almost as though I’ve earned my sleep tonight.