The Most Basic Terms

Everybody wants to be abidingly happy; nobody wants to suffer.

And yet, most people, not to say other creatures, are suffering, in some way or other, most of the time. 

How is one to be abidingly happy considering the way that “the deck seems to be stacked?”

The Reason For Suffering First

To know how to be abidingly happy, we must first know why we’re not.

And we’re not, says jnana yoga, because (a) we don’t know who we are and because (b) we know who we aren’t.

Consider (a). Who are we? The teaching says something wildly implausible yet true: We are Universal Consciousness.

Now consider (b): whom do we believe we are? We believe we are limited, separate, personal consciousnesses. Because of this belief (and deep feeling), we live our lives with a sense of separation: separation from the Source (Universal Consciousness); separation from other beings; and separation from ‘the world.’

How To Be Abidingly Happy?

Well, we must cease identifying with what we are not and we must have “glimpses” of who we really are. So much for the broadest possible answer.

But what about a more practical one?

We can draw from the work of Ken Wilber, who spoke of Cleaning Up, Waking Up, Growing Up, and Showing Up. Set aside the last three and start, for now, with the first one.

What does Cleaning Up mean?

In my view, it refers to allowing all negative emotions (as well as positive, attached emotions) to dissolve, to come to a real rest. This happens, most expeditiously, by finding out whatever “ego-selves” or “parts” or “samskaras” are those on whose behalf the anger is arising.

Example: If I am a hurt child, I’m bound to lash out in anger. And every time a certain sort of perception occurs (I see someone, e.g., trying to take advantage of me), I (i.e., this hurt child) may seek to lash out.

How To Clean Up: Three Approaches

1. The Geeky Approach: Samskaric Inquiry

The essential points: a) All suffering arises on behalf of some false identification (samskara) or other; b) That samskara can be located via a backward-moving form of inquiry.

I say more about this, e.g., here and here.

2. A Somatic Approach: Focusing

• Overview here
• I find that the above is too formulaic. The basic thrust:
  • Notice that some reactivity has occurred. (Or proactively invoke this by recalling an especially vivid experience, a potent hurt.)
  • Turn inside the physical body.
  • Find out where the sensations are centrally located.
  • Begin to experience the qualities of this phenomenon.
  • Then let this phenomenon speak. Question: “If you wished to speak, what would you want to say? What is your hurt?” Etc.
  • Slowly allow there to be a “resonance”: something said will resonate the most, will be “at the center” of the felt understanding. Hold onto this.

3. A Dialogical Approach: Internal Family Systems

• You can always use Focusing to identify the character/”part of me”/samskara in question.
• Then you can gently ask the character any questions.
• Like:
  • “How old are you?” A: “5-7 YO.”
  • “What’s going on?” A: “Just leave me alone.”
  • “Oh, OK. But before I do so, can you let me know what you really need?” A: “I need love,” etc.
  • Offer love, support, etc. to so-and-so.
  • See what this experience is like. It’ll feel like relaxation, openness, relief, a touch of sweetness, etc.

A Couple Of Meditations Pertaining To Cleaning Up

If you like, you both can find a quiet space and listen to either of these:

Coda: The Point Of Cleaning Up

Imagine that there is dross here and there with the result that the ocean water is murky. As you clear away the dross, the ocean sparkles with its inherent clarity.

More concretely put: as gross suffering slowly dissolves, a sense of more pervasive contentment settles in. See what this is like.