Question: During the most recent Zen retreat, I kept asking ‘Who am I’? I was relentless. In the first few hours I probably used this noting method 100 times until it felt like I dropped into this neutral space of awareness. But then after the retreat ended, the understanding slowly faded.

How can you possibly get to IT when you can’t ever get away from IT?

Isn’t aware presence present right now? Is there ever a place or a time when IT is not?

How far away, right now, are you from aware presence? Can you even possibly “measure” that distance in space, that duration in time?

Can you even possibly “stand back” and count two experiences–one, the “I,” and, two, “aware presence”–or is that completely impossible?

Know that you are not a practitioner, Zen or otherwise. Nor are you the will-er, the effort-er, or the concentrator. You don’t “have” a meditation practice. You don’t “have” a “goal,” which is to “get to” and “maintain yourself in” awareness. Not any of this is ultimately true or real.

The teaching, so simply, tells us to stop making believe. Stop making believe and just BE.