Question: The nondual teaching says explicitly that the Self is not the doer, and yet I’m still hung up on being the doer. How do I go beyond this idea?

Ego In Two Senses

In what briefly follows, I don’t mean to suggest that ego “in the two senses” is anything but a stipulative distinction. It’s a distinction made to help to investigate the matter in a thoroughgoing way.

• Ego in the overt sense: Here, we can think of any of the following (each of which will explicitly appear as [or in] a thought):
  • I am the perceiver of perceptions (sights, sounds, scents, etc.).
  • I am the enjoyer, the one who is experiencing pleasures or pains, merits or demerits (karma) “from the inside.”
  • I am the doer, the one who is performing the duty, initiating the action, and so on.
  • I am the feeler (the one who’s feeling psychological samskaras, let’s call them)
  • I am the thinker or the knower.
  • I am the desirer.
    • The first (perceiver) pertains to the senses.
    • The second group (enjoyer, doer, feeler) pertains to the body.
    • The last grouping (thinker, desirer) pertains to the mind.
• Ego in the covert sense shall refer to the I-thought that allegedly “stands behind” all thoughts in the broad sense.

Investigating Ego

To see whether there’s a doer in actuality, take an everyday example: for instance, the cupboard door is opening.

• In direct experience, is there any actual evidence for “I am opening the door”? Isn’t the action just occurring? Is there any evidence for a me that’s performing this action?
• Go further: If you can’t find the doer (what I termed “ego in the overt sense”), can you go back and pinpoint the I-thought (“ego in the covert sense”)? In other words, really try to get a grip on the intuition: “Well, I exist but am not exhausted by the activity or doing, or thinking, or feeling, or perceiving. I exist ‘behind the scenes.’” This sense of an I that’s existing behind the scenes is what Ramana Maharshi terms “the I-thought.”
• Now: Is there actually any I-thought (“covert sense”)? No.
• THEN: What is this eternal silence that remains?