Amazement doesn’t add up

I am amazed when what I am in the presence of doesn’t immediately add up. It is not the concrete particular, not something about some thing but the general furniture of the world that carries me into amazement. Then, the world presents itself to me as a mystery, full and true. I didn’t know that–. I had no idea that–. I couldn’t fathom, till now, how great is that which is. (I probably stop thinking in amazement, but this is the sort of thing I would think if I did think.)

Amazement presents the discrepancy between the appearance of this fullness, which is here, which is what is, and my present inability to intellectual grasp. It is here and I am here, and I don’t what to make of it except to exclaim, ‘How utterly beautiful! How glorious!’ This is what I mean when I say that the presence ‘doesn’t immediately add up.’ Here it is, and it doesn’t add up: doesn’t add up that it is here at all or how it is here. It can’t yet be accounted for, tallied up, counted, measured, fit into a pre-existing conceptual framework. I am speechless.

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